Do You Believe In Second Chances?
by drizzlytidings-ninetales
Summary: A deaf young kitten with red eyes, a strong connection to Starclan, and a inner monster is born in Thunderclan. Tossed out and left in a barn, will she really live to forgive the Clan that left her out to die? A cliche topic with lots of uncliche twists and turns.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Warriors. Glowkit might seem like a Mary-Sue in this chapter, but that only goes on for Chappie 1. By the time you get to Chapter Three she is most definitely not a Mary-Sue. **

Chapter One: Glow In The Darkest Night

Glowkit hadn't opened her eyes. She knew her name, as it was whispered every night to her, along with words and pictures, heard in her black dreams. Yet when she woke up, she could hear nothing. She could feel the vibrations on the rough ground of the nursery, the scratchiness of the grass underneath her, the smell of her parents. She knew that she should have already opened her eyes by now; but the dark, peaceful cocoon of her den, of sleep, beckoned her. But she knew that her parents would be happy if she opened her eyes, and she knew they were both right here. How did one open her eyes? She bunched together her muscles, and with a snap, her eyelids opened. Everything was so...so, bright! She saw her parents gasp, yet she didn't know why. She looked at her parents. One had a feminine build and a milk-scent; that must be her mother. She was white, with one blue eye and one amber eye. Next to her was a tall brown tortoiseshell tom with blue eyes and a familiar smell; that must be her father. Glowkit saw her mother's mouth moving, yet she couldn't comprehend what she was saying. Glowkit's world was silent; yet she felt a glare of horror burning onto her cheek, felt sadness stroking her mother's gaze. Glowkit looked down at her paws; like her mother's they were pure white. She flexed her tiny kitten-claws, and she experimentally jumped. She trotted towards her father- yet he jumped back. Why? He'd never done that before. Why did her father look at her with horror, her mother with fear? She saw her parents leave, and she slipped out, too, past them. There was a puddle of water, reflecting trees and vines. She walked over to it, and saw a small, white kit, with horrifying blood-red eyes. She gasped, knowing why her father stared at her with horror, her mother with fear. She wished she had kept her eyes closed. She might not have been able to see, but then she wouldn't be shunned because of her startling eyes, wouldn't know that she looked weird, looked different.

She saw her parents discussing her; her belly ached for milk. She trotted over to them, forgetting about her heather-red eyes, and butted her mother's stomach. Her mother turned her away, and Glowkit's mouth nearly made a sound, but she stayed silent. That night she tossed and turned as instead of her peaceful dark dreams, various cats backed by a blood-splattered forest whispered, whilst pictures to match the words whizzed by.

"Thunderclan!Two-leg! Glowkit! Swirl! Sky! Shade! Starclan! Vanilla! Snowtail! Brownclaw!" Was this how she would learn words of strange things that weren't the things she already knew? Vanilla looked like an older version of her-a white, red-eyed she-cat, yet she seemed to be able to hear. Swirl was a cat she had never seen in camp ever before; a silver tortoiseshell she-cat. Sky was a blue-grey tom, not the sky that hovered above her outside the den. And Shade wasn't the shadows, he was a ruggedly handsome dark grey tom smiling at her with love in his eyes-but why? Who even were these cats? Snowtail was her mother; Brownclaw was her father. Yet instead of horror, their gazes sparked with fear.

Though she could not hear, she could talk, and her dreams gave her rich vocabulary and knowledge. She knew, that ordinary kittens were fed, that they weren't uncared for, that they were loved. Sometimes her dreams would be less random; sometimes the cats would sit down and teach Glowkit properly, explaining. They were _kind. _And they were called Starclan. They said that not all Thunderclan cats were bad; she had just happened to be born in a time where the current generation didn't like different cats. One of her favorite teachers was one named Blackfeather, a dark gray tabby tom with bright green eyes, a former medicine cat from Shadowclan. He taught her different sorts of herbs, and he said that Glowkit would've been a great medicine cat, because of her connection to Starclan, but her destiny pulled her elsewhere. Glowkit wondered, where? She knew she had a good chance of not staying in Thunderclan, or any of the neighboring Clans, as Vanilla apparently was her future self. She had decided to worry about this later. Another favorite teacher, or dare she say, foster parent, or maybe friend, was Featherstar, a beautiful long-legged molly with soft, grey fluffy fur, russet stripes, and amber eyes, with small, pointy ears. She was a warrior of Windclan, and she said she would teach the things that had Glowkit been a kit in Windclan, she would be taught once she was apprentice-age, as for now, she was too young to master the skills. Another cat, Morningdawn was a frequent visitor; she was an affectionate short-furred ginger molly with teal eyes that had been from Riverclan. Her fur was sleek and shiny-she said she would teach Glowkit how to fish, how to swim. She was sweet, and her bushy tail was fun to jump on. Her last teacher was Starlingcall, a large champagne-colored tom with markings around his body, orchid-colored eyes, and wide-set floppy ears, along with a short tail. He was a warrior of Thunderclan- from what Glowkit was told, her uncle. He taught her all Thunderclan-esque things. Glowkit knew she was too young to learn these things; however, Starclan said she would still be taught earlier than most, just not now. For now, words, pictures, and games filled her wonderful dreams. Not every dream was learning. Sometimes it was playing, something she never did in the waking world. Wingkit, who had been Glowkit's deceased littermate, would play with his non-deceased sister, and they were definitely brother and sister. Wingkit was pale golden with grey diamond-shaped eyes, and a smooshed nose. Really, Glowkit preferred the dream-world to the waking world. In her dreams, she was healthy and fit; in the waking world, she was starved.

Glowkit stayed in Thunderclan for about a moon. Then, she was picked up by her scruff by a cat, the current medicine cat of Thunderclan, who from her dreams, was named Dawnflight. "Stop! Go away!" Glowkit yowled. But her valiant protests were ignored, and the Dawnflight kept on carrying her, sharp teeth embedded into Glowkit's scruff. Glowkit focused on Dawnflight's mind.

_I'm sorry, Glowkit. But I'll have to dispose of you. I'm so, so sorry. I know you can't hear me since you're deaf, but if somehow you can, I'm sorry Glowkit. I know you walk in your dreams in Starclan, and you would have been a great medicine cat apprentice. I'm sorry, Glowkit, but I have to._ And Glowkit, from this brief glimpse into Dawnflight's mind, knew, that in her fate, this cat would play a big part in it, yet she was innocent. Glowkit was left in an abandoned barn outside of clan territory, close to the Twolegplace. And Dawnflight gently touched Glowkit's nose.

_If I can, I'll visit her if she dies, since she will go to Starclan for sure. Even if she somehow doesn't die, maybe I can somehow visit her, guide her. The poor thing. She has to be abandoned here to die just because of her gorgeous but different eyes. She's just a relatively ordinary kitten with a strong connection to Starclan that looks different. I'll never look at Thunderclan the same way again. Especially not Snowtail and Brownclaw, condemning their own kit after their others die. And Darkstar, for agreeing to sentence this innocent kit. _Yet Dawnflight didn't know that Glowkit could read her mind, nor did she know that Glowkit knew she would live to become a she-cat named Vanilla. And Dawnflight left, full of regret, for the great medicine cat Glowkit could have become.

Glowkit didn't lay there alone for very long. A dog sniffed the air and caught Glowkit's scent, and came up to her. Glowkit forced herself to not flinch, repeating _I will live to be Vanilla. I will not die today. I will live to meet Swirl, Sky, Shade. I WILL LIVE! Don't be afraid. _Yet, she wasn't so sure anymore, as the dog bared its teeth.

**Accepting loner/rogue OCs for Swirl and Sky's litter, and Shade's family. (Shade, at this point of the story, is a kit)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I know Glowkit is kind of a Mary-Sue. I'll try to fix it, I promise. **

**I don't own Warriors. (I think) Stream and Lake were suggested by Guest in the reviews.**

Chapter Two: Grey, Silver, Black

Glowkit willed herself into a deep, deep sleep. Yet Starclan wasn't there_, _just an empty dark void that loomed in front of her. _Is this the Dark Forest? Well, it's certainly dark, but no forest. __Where's Starclan? _

Glowkit awoke in gray, black, silver and blue-ish grey surrounding her. She blinked, and her sight improved slightly. She saw a bunch of cat-shaped blobs slightly far away and suddenly realized that she was surrounded by kits roughly the same size as her. She focused on their minds, to reperform that mind-reading stunt she had done a while ago, but apparently that was a one-time thing. She pawed at them, trying to free herself, but they were all stronger and nourished, so she was still stuck. _Fox-dung. _She didn't like the feeling of fur pressing on her; she preferred the feeling of moss, though admittedly the kits were quite soft. _No, Glowkit! You can't get used to this! __You have to be strong, independent. You'll be out of here soon._

The kits moved away from her, and a large silver tortoiseshell molly walked over and started licking Glowkit. _Swirl! _Glowkit squirmed; for one, Swirl's tongue wasn't refreshing like Featherstar's, it was raspy and chapped, and two, her instincts perked up at other none-Starclan cats touching her. Glowkit could see the kits' mouths move, but of _course,_ she couldn't hear anything. A blue-ish grey tom moved over; and he was large, even bigger then Brownclaw! _Sky. _Glowkit's instinct's sizzled and flew; she felt the urge to run away but forced herself to stay put. _You need them. _A voice from the back of her head whispered. _Shut up! _Glowkit answered. Glowkit slumped and ignored the possible answers the voice would give. She could see Swirl talking to Sky, and she could just imagine what they were talking about. _Oh, she's deaf, she can't do anything. _Glowkit snarled but reminded herself she couldn't win against them. They were huge and healthy blooming adults, while she was a small malnourished kit.

Swirl lay down, and the kits besides Glowkit started to suckle. Glowkit scowled, but the voice inside her reminded her she had to survive, even if it meant suckling from a random cat she only knew from a fleeting teaching dream. She reluctantly pushed past a brown and silver tom-kit and began suckling. Beside Glowkit there was a silver she-kit with blue-gray patches and a reddish she-kit on Glowkit's other side. _I wonder where that gene came from. I guess Swirl's cheating, huh? _Glowkit stretched her neck, looking around best she could while suckling. There was another molly with a suckling litter she hadn't noticed before that was cream-colored, alongside a black tom beside her. The kits there were more interesting than the ones squished around Glowkit; there was a look-a-like of the molly, alongside a black she-kit, white tom-kit and a dark-brown tom-kit. _Shade? _Glowkit returned her focus to Sky and Swirl's litter; there was a golden tom-kit that definitely didn't have Sky's genes-_ Yup, Swirl was a player. She was quite pretty really.- _and a ginger she-kit. _For the love of Starclan, why hasn't Sky realized Swirl's playing him yet__? _Glowkit had taken her fill of milk and crawled back to the place she had woken up in, hoping the other kits wouldn't follow her, and promptly fell asleep.

In that dream, many things were explained. No, Swirl was not a player, she had been forced to carry other toms' kits but still loved those kits. _Mistakes, just like me. Only unlike my parents, she still loves them. _The red she-kit was named Scarlet, ginger she-kit named Pheonix, golden tom-kit named Solar, silver she-kit with patches named Stream, and brown and silver tom-kit named Lake. And yes, Glowkit, that was Shade, his siblings are called Angel, Swan and Midnight. Angel is the cream one, Swan is the white, and Midnight the black one. Glowkit, stop staring off into the distance! Shade's parents are named Ivory Rose and Nightshade. _Well, they've got better names then Swirl and Shade's family, including them themselves. _Don't be so rude, Glowkit, they're going to be your new family. _WAIT WHAT THE FOX-DUNG! _Yes, they are. Also, your name is Vanilla now, but in your dreams, you are still Glowkit, soon Glowpaw.

Glowki-Vanilla woke up fuming and very confused.

**This is a much shorter chapter, but I couldn't think of a better line to end on. Please review, the meagre amount of people who will read this!**

**thanks for reading- jemz**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Warriors. Thank you for your lovely comments! I will definitely use Diddle-bone Orange Peel 5!**

**There was originally a longer version of this but it didn't save, and I don't have enough time to rewrite it.**

**Poll: who thinks of this white she-cat with red eyes as Glowkit and who thinks of her as Vanilla? I still think of her as Glowkit a lot of the time and it was hard to write Vanilla instead.**

**Chapter Three: Swinging Through Emotions**

Vanilla was extremely grumpy. First of all, Vanilla was a weird name. Second, nobody was talking to her, though she was fine with this. She didn't _want _their pity talk. _I'm fine, that's fine, I'm sure it's fine. _But most of all, thirdly, THIS FAMILY HAD TO BE HER FAMILY! Well, she wasn't going along with that.

But she couldn't leave. She was condemned. Because Starclan told her to. _I hate Starclan. I can't leave because they say I can't. They have power of me, sadly. They control my fate. I HATE them. They don't allow the Clans to merge, even though it would be better for the Clans. Why? So they can control smaller amounts of cats more strongly, and conspire in their 'sunny, beautiful, perfect' let bad things happen, so the Clans can grovel to them and not even improve their relationship with Starclan. Then they lay down their life, tricked into dying for the good of Starclan. Hmph. I'm glad I was forced to leave those stupid Clans. _

The kits had begun to distinguish from each other, instead of being one big blob of different-color blobs. She couldn't remember their names very well, but she didn't care. Apart from Shade. She had always remembered Shade. Even though he was supposedly her 'true love', that was by Starclan so she refused to listen. He was just another annoying kit. Ugh. Vanilla played Dust Bunny by herself but found it boring after a while, and curled up a few tail-lengths away from the other spoilt-brat kits. The vibrations of VERY HARD pawsteps jolted her out of her daze, and she snapped her head up. _Another _molly and her kits. And a tom. She scrutinized them carefully. The molly was a pure white she-cat with blue eyes. _Like Snowtail. I HATE SNOWTAIL. She is the absolute worst. Apart from Brownclaw._ The tom was a ticked tabby with different bands of color on his fur, and he had a happy expression on his face. Vanilla scowled. _It's unfair, how somecats are given happiness and some cats aren't. Like me...and Wingkit. _

One of the few kits that the Snowtail-look-a-like was carrying by the scruff was struggling and squirming. Vanilla winced. She remembered doing that. _When I was Glowkit. I still feel more like her. Cowardly, thoughtful and scared. But I have changed. Maybe that's who Vanilla is. Maybe I'll learn to love being her._ The kit looked similar to his father with red fur, but his fur was a slightly shorter length. One of the other kits was a delicate, beautiful white she-kit with eyes that were almost guaranteed to stay blue, and the last was a fluffy pale grey she-kit with a bushy tail and russet stripes. _Like Featherstar...__No. Glowki-Vanilla. You hate Starclan. And that includes Featherstar. _

That night, in her sleep, the voices still came. Even though she currently hated most of Starclan, she hadn't disowned them. The stupid she-kit that looked like her mother who looked like _Snowtail _was named Secret. _Hmph. _The tom was called Diddle-bone, and the grey she-kit was Feather. _Feather. Featherstar. _Feather's eyes were already a startling bright amber. The Snowtail cat's name was _Swansong. She's left her Clan for that tom! _And, according to Starclan, Vanilla's older sister. Vanilla fumed at this information but had doubts about whether to believe them. After all, Starclan could be making her pick a fight so they could have an excuse to curse her forever. The tom was Skippy. Odd name.

And then Blackfeather, Morningdawn, Starlingcall and Wingkit appeared. But not Featherstar.

"Don't blame us for everything, Glowkit. Your destiny is in your own paws."

"One day, you'll forgive us."

"Featherstar has left for a mission."

"Please, sister. Don't grow filled with hate. See the good side of life at least every once in a while."

Maybe Vanilla would ignore this. But maybe she would listen. Or maybe she would put it in the back of her mind, getting slightly better day by day. That's what Vanilla unconsciously chose to do. The next morning when she woke up, she actually smiled. She still stayed silent, still alone but not lonely- but she smiled, and her thoughts weren't as dark. But she still felt deep seeping fluids of hatred when she thought about Starclan. She ate her first piece of fresh-kill, and even though it was just a small mouse, Vanilla thought it was the best thing she'd ever eaten. She went to sleep, her tummy taunt and content, and slightly, even maybe happy.

Even if she wasn't officially happy, her Starclan guardians definitely were, though not completely, and as Vanilla put it, because their 'lil retarded patient' still hated them. That night, she was gifted an ordinary dream. Catching butterflies in a forest, with the Twolegplace close behind. And with intact hearing, too.

However, the next day was a different story. She woke up to bashing in the head, and abruptly woke up. Lake and Diddle-bone were play-fighting, with no care for the other occupants inside the den. Vanilla scowled. She got into a crouch and pounced on Lake and Diddle-bone, her small paws hitting her head as hard as her alarm call had been. Content with the kit's winces, she sat down and started grooming herself. She knew that Swirl and Sky couldn't tell her off; it wasn't like she could hear. Sky and Swirls' kits shunned her, but she didn't care. It was always like that. Feather hobbled over to her, and batted a paw at Vanilla's tail. However, now that Vanilla was receiving proper nourishment, she was growing bulky and strong, as she should be. She took after Brownclaw's body shape; big and bulky. Vanilla yowled, attempting to scare the kit away, but didn't actually hurt her, as, after all, Feather _was _Featherstar, obviously. And Feather didn't run away. _Mouse-dung! Featherstar isn't doing well at making Starclan's little pity patient love everything. I'm NEVER going to be that cat. That goody-goody loving cat. _

On that day alone, she feuded with Feather, Stream, Secret and Lake. She kept to herself in a corner, grooming herself. If she was stuck here, she might as well make the most of it. _Are you sure you can't leave? _Her thoughts disobeyed her. _No! Of course I can't! As long as Starclan exists, they will stop me. _

The outside world just made her mad, so she dived into the dark depths of imagination. Why would anyone spend time in the cold, cold world when they could lavish in their nostalgia-filled imagination? _If I hadn't had red eyes, would I be happy in Thunderclan as an ordinary kit? If I was, I probably wouldn't hate Snowtail and Brownclaw... Because I wouldn't know how fox-hearted and frog-brained they were._

She groaned. Now even her imaginary world was ruined. She hopped back into the real world, and took a small shrew and ate it grouchily. Swirl and Sky licked her, but Vanilla squirmed and ran away, back to her own corner of tranquility and sins. She spent the rest of the day in a daze; her mind hopping between dark depths and azure skies. Hate took over her mind, and that night, the Dark Forest appeared.

**Mwahahahaaaaaaa **

**Will she do the cliche and train in the Dark Forest? Or will she turn them away? This Dark Forest will have different cats, since this is set a long time away from the canon books. Try calling Vanilla a Mary-Sue now! Please review. Adios. **


	4. Chapter 4

**MWAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHHAHHAHAHA STARCLAAAN IS A CUUUUUUUUUUULT**

**I'll just shut up now. Thanks to Orange Peel 5 for Diddle-bone's personality :) I might not use that scene immediately, but it will happen at some point. **

**I don't own Warriors. If I did, I would actually have free copies of every book. (And yes, in this, Scourge had kits. It was possible)**

**Chapter Four: Sleep? (Yes But Actually No.)**

"Hello, _Glowpaw_. You know who we are, but only as an organization. Would you like to know who we are? Well, I'm Daisywing, corrupter of hearts and killer of lovers." The cat was beautiful, with smooth, sleek ebony fur and bright yellow eyes, and her voice was sweet, but sarcasm and sinister vibes snaked out from underneath her berry-sweet voice, like a sweet and tasty deathberry. Behind Daisywing was a large tom with tawny, blood-stained fur, misty eyes, and a large head, which sported a wrinkled face. Vanilla snickered but covered her mouth with her tail. Though Vanilla was big for her slightly more then six moons, she was still slightly smaller then the average cat, and this tom was huge.

"I'm Iceflight. I bath in the blood of my enemies. I am descendant of the great Scourge. Better watch your step, kit." _Scourge? Who's that? And did he just call me a kit? _He was bigger and fiercer, but Vanilla felt Daisywing was the brain behind this operation. Another cat had slunk in without noticing. She was roughly the same age as Daisywing, and had white fur and blue eyes...

"Snowtail?" Vanilla's mouth asked without her accord. She gasped and prepared to run. Snowtail would _kill _her.

"No, I'm Spiderpaw. I was killed by Riverclan, my _own _clan, for leading a patrol to the riverbend to fish. There was a battle between Thunderclan and Riverclan, and my future mate, Ravenpaw, and my mentor, Minnowleap, were killed by Darkstar's sister, your mother, Snowtail, whom you mistaked me for. Never do that again, I hate her just as much as you do. Riverclan blamed me, for something that wasn't my mistake. They tried to kill me, and I barely escaped with my life. A rogue saved my life, and I was accepted into Bloodclan and became a formidable adversary to the Clans. I raided Riverclan and Thunderclan many times, and then I was killed by Finchstar, leader of Riverclan. I was let into Starclan, but I used this to haunt those who had wronged me. Everyone hated me, even Minnowleap and Ravenpaw. I wasn't happy. So I cursed and plotted and conspired with the other Rebels, and was sent to the Dark Forest." Vanilla noticed she said the word 'rebels' like it was a title of something, not just an ordinary rebel, so she decided that maybe Iceflight, Daisywing and Spiderpaw were part of the Rebels.

"Will you join us, Glowpaw? You have been wronged by the Clans. You hate Starclan, as we do. We can lead you to your vengeance." Daisywing spoke up, her voice sweet but with a commanding tone underneath it. Iceflight snarled behind her, whilst Spiderpaw smiled a sinister smile. showing her sharp-as-thorns teeth.

"I'll think about it." Vanilla replied, trying to summon courage and defiance. Though, as she looked at the three cats in front of her, she had a feeling they didn't expect this. Actually, maybe it wasn't a choice.

"We have no choice then, Glowpaw. You know too much. You will join us, OR PERISH FOREVER!" With that, Iceflight leapt, unsheathing his cruelly sharp claws. Daisywing stood in silence, but held out a single paw to stop him. Iceflight fell flat on his face, and Vanilla felt a sudden burst of fear. _If Daisywing can do that to such a big, strong cat, what could she do to me?_

"Don't hurt her, Iceflight. She could be helpful, and she hasn't decided yet. And that isn't exactly persuading her to join and be a loyal warrior of the Rebels. Calm down. Iceflight. Or I'll call Dustburst, and she'll batter down that thick skull of yours." Daisywing said the name Dustburst with respect, so maybe Dustburst was the leader and Diasywing was second in command?

"Fine, mother." Iceflight slumped, defeated, and Daisywing sat down, head high with triumph. _Daisywing's Iceflight mother? Well, she did say killer of lovers, so maybe she had lots of mates, and lots of kits? _Spiderpaw had stayed silent up until this point, but she smirked, flicking her tail across Iceflight's face. Her paws reached across, and grasped Iceflight's. Oddly enough, he smiled and clasped her paw back.

"Okay, Glowpaw. You've heard Spiderpaw's story, and now we'll tell ours. And don't even try to leave, or we'll really murder you. And once you die in the Dark Forest or Starclan, you never come back." _Wait, didn't you just stop Iceflight from killing me?_

"I was a happy kit, born in new-leaf. My parents were respected warriors of Shadowclan, and I had three littermates, Softkit, Lightkit, and Owlkit. We were happy. We stayed that way until me and my littermates were paws, and then, everything started going wrong. I fell in love." She spat the word out like it was a disease, and took a breath.

"But it wasn't anyone in Shadowclan... He was in Windclan. Thornstalker... I thought he was so handsome then, but little did I know he would break my heart countless times. I bore his kits, but he didn't love them. Suddenly, he shunned me and the kits, and at the next Gathering, I heard that he was seen with another pregnant she-cat, twining tails and touching noses. That she-cat was Acornleaf. Unlike my kits, he loved his kits with Acornleaf, and spoilt them, while I was all alone in Thunderclan, raising my fatherless kits. Nobody knew, but I grew weak, and my littermates neither cared nor helped. Thornstalker was using me, so in battle I would be relcutant to hurt him. Once I had kits, I was useless. And then I fell for Weaselstar, some time after my first batch of kits had become warriors. He seemed kind, and I thought he would be a good father. We had kits, once more, but this time within the warrior code. I was happy again, finally." She stopped to take a breather, and went on.

"But once again, it was short-lived. I thought he loved me, but no. He left me for Nightskip. Once again, our kits were fatherless. My heart was broken, but I thought it could be fixed when I met Mottlestream. He was a medicine cat from Skyclan, but he was so timid, so gentle... and we fell for each other, or so I thought, when he healed my serious wound during the battle with the Shaded Ones. You'd think I had learnt from my precious mistakes, but no. He flirted and flattered me, but left me pregnant and heartbroken, once again. That time, I was truly drowned in hate. My single kit was born, and she looked identical to her father. I couldn't bear it, and I sent her down the river on a floating piece of driftwood, towards where I knew there were other groups of cats. But during this, my litter with Weaselstar died from a serious previously underlaying disease apparently passed down from me, and the Clan blamed me, for 'killing' the 'precious' leader's kits. I cared for them, I loved my kits, more then he ever did. Yet he exiled me for something beyond my control. He was such a dramatic fox-hearted fishbrain. I conspired with one of my kits, Iceflight, and together we killed Weaselstar, every life he had. I crept to Skyclan, and killed Mottlestream whilst he was going to the medicine cat gathering, and hid him away in a bush, his blood staining my paws. During a battle with Windclan, Thornstalker and Acornleaf crept up on me, Iceflight, and one of my other kits, Maplemist, and killed Maplemist, his own kit. I killed him and Acornleaf, and our pelts were drenched in blood." She paused, but Vanilla found this blood-filled story both interesting and disgusting, and hoped she would keep on going.

"A few moons after, it was discovered that I killed Weaselstar, by my new mate, Goosewing, who had loved me. But his loyalty was stronger then his love, and he told the Clans and had me exiled. I killed him, but drew a daisy with his blood and set down my pawprint. He had put up a good fight, and I died alone from blood loss." It had been quite a long story, but Vanilla had been captivated though also disgusted by it. She also felt pity for Daisywing, though she was still scared of her.

"I came with her, because I had joined her and relished in the killing of Weaselstar. I also drowned my apprentice, and I joined my mother as a Rebel." There it was again. _Rebel..._

"So would you like to train as a Rebel? Thunderclan has wronged you."

"My answer is, though your stories were fascinating and pity-drawing, no." And Vanilla ran, ran like the wind, into the boundaries of Starclan.

**Too bloody? Please review. The Rebels will make more appearances, and I betcha you weren't expecting that. Cliche topics with uncliche turns is my motto, and a lot of main characters train in the Dark Forest. **


	5. Chapter 5

**:D**

**It's so weird writing speech now. And I changed the rating :D/D:****Wait, if this is T now, am I allowed to swear?**

Chapter Five: Break Me Down And Build Me Up

Vanilla saw ghostly transparent cats. Every single one wasn't moving. She saw Wingkit... but he was translucent too. Vanilla frowned. _He's not like this in my dreams usually! _She cautiously poked Wingkit with her forepaw. His eyes flinched, yes, but her paw went straight through. _Help us! _Wingkit mouthed.

"How am I supposed to?" She walked around, passing straight through every cat. Except a familiar she-cat. A long-furred pale golden cat with green eyes, also looking around.

"Dawnflight?"

"Glowkit?"

"It's Glowpaw, or Vanil-." She was cut off.

"Glowpaw!"

Dawnflight launched herself at Vanilla, covering her with joyous licks. Vanilla scowled, batting her away with both paws. Dawnflight was older, but didn't have any battle experience, whereas Vanilla had a tiny bit of experience, and was nearly as big and strong. Also, she had the element of surprise. Dawnflight staggered backwards, and Vanilla felt a slight rush of satisfaction.

"Dawnflight? What's going on?" Vanilla asked bleakly, whilst grooming herself. She waited for an answer.

"Glowpaw... I'm not sure... but I think one of the main spirits committed a sin, and now the whole of Starclan is paying for it." Dawnflight replied flatly.

"Well that's just a stupid reason to punish them." Vanilla indignantly stood up and began pacing.

"Glowpaw! Be polit-nevermind, I agree." Dawnflight sprung up and followed Vanilla, who walked next to Wingkit.

"Dawnflight... I can't help it. I don't feel bad for them... I hate them all. Except Wingkit."

"But why do you hate them?"

"They lie to me, they trap me! The Dark Forest might be evil, but at least they told me the truth."

"Glowpaw. This is very immature and childish of you and you should be asha-,"

"I AM A CHILD! I'M ALLOWED TO BE IMMATURE AND CHILDISH! STUPID STARCLAN! STUPID YOU! STUPID THUNDERCLAN! STUPID LIFE!" Vanilla finally lost her temper and proceeded to yell at _Dawnflight_ for what seemed like a moon. Dawnflight patiently waited for Vanilla to calm down, and just when she did, Vanilla broke down.

"I want to die... but I also don't want to because then I'll join Starclan... I don't deserve to live, but if I join Starclan then I'll hate myself more then I already do." She whispered, voice raspy and soft. "I hate Starclan because they condemned me and allowed me to become heartless. I hate myself, and I hate them. I don't belong with Sky and Swirl and everybody else. I don't belong with Thunderclan or any other clan. I don't deserve them. I don't deserve life."

"You do. Glowpaw, you deserve life more then any cat I've ever met. You've braved unthinkable things and been mistreated and unloved. It's natural for you to be negative, and I don't blame you. Remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and that's true, so you're most definitely strong." Dawnflight spoke up, her soft, melodious voice filling Vanilla's ears. "And yes. Sometimes I forget you are barely out of kithood, and you are mature for your age; most of the time, at least. Yes, you are allowed to be childish."

With that, Vanilla woke up, and she re-entered the silent world, where she was still deaf. But the words of Dawnflight comforted her. Vanilla had let out all the hate and suicidal thoughts in her dream/nightmare. Now she had to save her brother.

_But what the Dark Forest can I do? _

_You can't do anything._

_You're useless, Glowkit. _

_Dawnflight lied to you._

_You don't deserve life. _

The familiar voices in her head chorused, and Vanilla felt her confidence lowering. She had a muscle spasm, and collapsed on the floor.

_No. They are lying. You deserve life, Vanilla. It's not your fault. _

A new voice entered her head, fighting the chorus. It spoke loudly, loud enough to drown the chorus. Yet it wasn't enough to defeat her insecurities that had haunted her ever since that fateful day she had opened her eyes. Vanilla defiantly stood up and clenched her teeth.

_I am enough. Shut up, stupid chorus. I effing deserve life, no matter what you tell me. I deserve life. I deserve life. I DESERVE LIFE, YOU MOUSEBRAINS AND FOXHEARTS._ She screamed inside her mind with all her might. Though she hadn't really believed it, after she yelled it, she started to truly believe that maybe, she really did deserve life. _Fake it until you make it,_ Featherstar had said. Speaking of Featherstar, Vanilla wondered if she had been excepted from the Starclan massacre, though that wasn't really the right word to describe it. _Feather is Featherstar, so Featherstar isn't in Starclan... Or maybe part of her is, and now Featherstar is trapped, Feather becomes her own cat? __ It's so unfair how Starclan chooses to possess random kits and deem them reincarnations or medicine cats. _

_I deserve life. _The words of what she said and now believed finally dawned on her. _I deserve life! _She smiled, and her eyes and fur sparkled. Her eyes fell upon the other kits, and particularly on Diddle-bone. He was the only other kit awake, and he was squirming around. Vanilla scrutinized him. He had long legs, and walked awkwardly. _Maybe I could actually find a friend... _Vanilla doddered over to Diddle-bone. She gently poked him with her paw, and he became stiff, and backed away from Vanilla. _Of course. He's scared of me. I would be scared of me too. _

Dejected, she crawled back to her corner of deep despair. She was alone. _It's just me, myself and I against the world. And Dawnflight. Dawnflight will help me too. Well, Vanilla, it's time to face the world. _Vanilla stood up, and stalked over to Diddle-bone, one of the only cats she remembered the name of that was awake.

"Hi, Diddle-bone. My name's Vanilla. It's nice to meet you. I know you're scared of me, and don't bother saying it, I wouldn't be able to hear you." And Diddle-bone calmed down and said _nice to meet you too _, but Vanilla couldn't hear him. Diddle-bone and Vanilla started running around, high on kit energy. Diddle-bone ran outside the building they lived in, and Vanilla, following him, gasped. She remembered nothing about how the twolegplace looked like; she was bathed in fear and dog drool.

It was beautiful. Sunshine shone on the rugged buildings. It was mostly grey, yes, but it was so different from the forest where she was born and mistreated that she couldn't help loving this different place outside the dim, dark room she resided in. Her eyes must have shown her wonder, as her Abyssinian companion smiled and started running towards an iron gate overgrown with ivy. Vanilla followed, leaping into the hole, careful to not cut herself on the iron pieces. She looked up, and once again, gasped. _Diddle-bone sure knows the beautiful places round here. _

It was Starclan's sake gorgeous. Smooth, sparkling grey stones stacked up to make a beautiful pagoda, and a carpet of pure blue stretched out. Ivy grew on said pagoda, and greenery circled the lake, which fish happily swam in. Diddle-bone smiled, and then tripped and ended up on Vanilla. She smirked, and jumped on him, paying him back. They started rough-housing, and Vanilla knew they were friends.

They returned back to the room after a while. Nobody had noticed. As Vanilla slunk back into sleep, she thought she had defeated the demons inside her head. Little did she know they would haunt her for much longer.

**You always deserve life. Don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise. Find yourself a Dawnflight :)**

**I made it T, even though when I was even younger then I am I still read stuff like this, but hey, it is kinda 'dark'. I'm technically too young according to the school library to be _reading _this 'dark', 'mature' stuff (the system wouldn't let me borrow it, along with not letting me borrow IB books, if anyone's read The Color Purple tell me if it's worth asking my English teacher to let me borrow it) but like whatever. I don't even know how depressed people think, this is just me basing it on books I've read. It was originally supposed to be "I f***ing deserve life", but that was too much. **

**sorry for basically giving up on writing this for a whole month. i was busy with school, and i had other things to write. Fine, I'll stop trying to justify my forgetfulness. **


End file.
